Me

I'm not as outgoing and exuberant as I once was... I know I sound like an old lady complaining, but I've been reflecting lately on the road that has led me to where I currently stand. I am a shell of the person I used to be.  I am feeling unsuccessful in this world.  There is not much I flourish in.  I am never one to finish anything with a sense of accomplishment.  I am always looking for reassurance.  

One thing that is very bothersome is that I am no longer sure of how to interact with others... this is something that used to be fairly easy for me to do.  I am often filled with anger, frustration, and always on the verge of feeling another let down is on the way.   I don't like this version of me.  I want to trust again. I want true friends. I want to be able to communicate freely without that awkwardness that continues to creep up.  I want my solid mind back.  I don't care much for the disorganized brain that has taken over.  I can't remember things as well and it leaves me feeling like I disappoint those around me.  
I need a boost.  I need new light.  I need serenity.  I need forgiveness.  I need to let go.  I have a heavy cloud that surrounds me and weighs down my thoughts and heart.  I want to be a better person.  I want to be a better mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, and teacher.  I am just not quite sure where to begin.  How to forgive those that I have allowed to eat away at who I used to be?  I let them tear me down and it has completely changed the existence of the future I once had pictured.  I know I am the one that controls this... I just need to find the right place to start...